The Man Who Would Be Multiplayer King


RIDER Xbox LIVE gamertags? Check. Cans of caffeine-based carbonated liquid? Check. Pizza? Check. Pizza delivery man cheque? Check. It can only mean one thing: Pivotal Games multiplayer evening. RUNNERS Conflict: Denied Ops has been out for a month and we thought it was high time the Pivotal development team went online to test their skills against the gaming public. With over 30,000 gamer points amassed between them, tonight's team reads like a Pivotal's who's who: an executive designer, a senior designer, two multiplayer designers, and a pinch of QA's finest. In fact, the last time this much gaming talent was gathered in one room, it was at the behest of the local constabulary - but that's another story. It's a well-known cliché that, following the release of a game, it's the gamers who become the real experts, but clichés are only clichés because they are true. So, are Team Pivotal worried? "N00b hunt", says WizardRon. "I will flame them", adds JimJimminy. "They will be killed by death", informs MrMangle. We'll take that as a 'no' then. REVENGE OF THE NOOBS First up is Team Deathmatch, and the choice of map is Whaling Station (Coastal Ruins - Small). We're barely a minute in and already we're seeing more camping than at a Kenneth Williams look-a-like competition held in a campsite in Camptown, Florida. Team Pivotal's snipers are firmly entrenched on the cliff-top spawn point overlooking the ruins, with each successful headshot being met by a cry of "Have It!" from Private GoatBoy. By suppressing the spawn point with LMG fire and forcing Team Pivotal's snipers to keep their heads down, the All-Comers begin to take the crucial middle ground inch by inch. Soon they are in fragging range of the cliff-top and incendiaries are soon raining down on the spawn point. Forced to abandon their sniping strategy, Team Pivotal try to blitz the All-Comers en masse in an attempt to retake the middle ground, but the writing is on the wall. JimJimminy conveniently drops out due to a (ahem) 'bad connection' mere seconds before the All-Comers secure a 40-37 victory. The only comfort Team Pivotal can take from the debacle is laughing at InWeGoJones who, attempting to sneak up and pistol whip an unsuspecting All-Comer from behind, manages to miss completely. This results in him inadvertently resupplying himself and getting taken out by his intended victim. Before you can type 'Los3333r', Team Pivotal are setting up a return match in an attempt to regain some semblance of respectability. They choose Conquest, hoping that their inside knowledge of the Wasteland's flag locations will give them the edge over the All-Comers. It does, and Team Pivotal make a mad dash for the middle flag, driving the All-Comers back towards the ruins. No quarter is given and no flag left un-proxy mined by Team Pivotal. An outstanding display of long-range sniping threatens to tip the balance back in favour of the All-Comers, but it's a case of too little too late. Team Pivotal restores some pride in a convincing 511-380 win with MrWiggles and InWeGoJones leading the scoring. HALL OF SHAME The map chosen for the deciding battle is Whaling Station (Docks - Big). Within minutes of the start, a stalemate develops between the two teams. The All-Comers are camped up on the hill overlooking the Whaling Station and covering the only two exits from the ruined building with their sniper rifles. Team Pivotal quickly find themselves trapped inside and any attempt to exit the building results in them being instantly cut down by the All-Comers' deadly accurate fire. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but even by his standards, WizardRon stoops to a new low. Beofre you can say 'Team Killer', he switcher sides and pistol-whips his new team-mates from behind. Unaware of what is happening, Team Pivotal exit the building and manage to take the high ground overlooking the Whaling Station. The All-Comers now find themselves pinned down around the stone cottage and Team Pivotal go on to secure a 40-37 victory. Again InWeGoJones and MrWiggles top-score for Team Pivotal. However, once the depths of WizardRon's duplicity come to light, Team Pivotal do the decent thing and default the match - thus handing overall victory to the All-Comers by 2-1. WizardRon's misguided 'win at all costs' attitude (make that: blatant cheating) earn him dishwasher emptying duties for a month, and an eternal place in the 'Gamers' Hall of Shame'. DEATH AND TAXES The final event of the evening is a Team Pivotal only Deathmatch to decide who will be crowned Multiplayer King. As in life, there are only two certainties in a Team Pivotal Deathmatch: WizardRon will be caught watching someone else's screen, and the winner will be one of either InWeGoJones or MrWiggles. This is reflected in the betting with MrWiggles (grenade whore) and InWeGoJones (years of Enemy Territory and Unreal Tournament addiction) immediately installed as even-money favourites; WizardRon (played Conflict: Denied Ops solidly for two years and cheats) is second favourite at 6 to 4; Private GoatBoy (Counter-Strike master) at generous 6's; and the rest 10/1 bar. Kolyma Castle (Castle - Big) is the chosen map and MrWiggles is soon living up to his gamertag by proving impossible to hit - even at point blank range. InWeGoJones is soon employing every dirty trick in the book to stay in front: cue backraging, kill-stealing and camping by ammo crates. Pretty it ain't, but it's damn effective and earns InWeGoJones the title from MrWiggles by two solitary kills - one of them via proxy mining the dookie in the toilet bowl (knowing that no-one who plays Castle can ever resist having a look). And WizardRon was caught watching someone else's screen. Three times. Isn't there a dishwasher around here that needs emptying?